When I speak to men who experienced abuse as children, I see a common pattern: even after the physical wounds heal, emotional wounds are still there.
Sometimes we have experiences that are so hard to talk about, that we leave them unspoken. They’re like gaping holes in the narrative we tell about ourselves.
Think about the last time you introduced yourself, or were introduced to someone by a friend. How long did it take before your job was mentioned?
Almost 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. When I started feeling sick, waiting for a diagnosis was excruciating. I was both anxious to get the results, and scared of what they might be.
Imagine you’re living in the Stone Age. You’re minding your own business when a bear runs out of the woods. How do you imagine yourself responding?
Do you enjoy conflict? Most men will probably say, “No way, Matt! What are you talking about?”
Your meetings have turned into frequent Zoom calls. You spend almost all your time in your house, and haven’t been to a restaurant in months.
How do I feel? Are you kidding me? I’m a guy. Most of the time I couldn’t answer that question if you paid me, except when I’m angry or frustrated. No problems with those feelings.
When we’re threatened or intimidated, it means that someone is trying to put us in harm’s way. This might have taken the form of bullying: someone threatened to hurt you, or intimidated you into fearing them.
