Betrayal Trauma

Have you been betrayed by your partner?

Betrayal trauma is a unique type of trauma that happens in marriages and significant romantic relationships. It occurs when a someone betrays the trust that was given to them by their spouse or significant other. Although most of us think of this betrayal as primarily sexual, there are actually several ways that a person can be betrayed by his or her partner outside of a sexual affair. It is not uncommon for wounded partners to develop symptoms similar to those of PTSD that include intrusive thoughts, avoidance, and hyperarousal.

AREAS OF BETRAYAL

As all human beings are unique, the level of trauma experienced by each individual is also unique. Experiences of betrayal can vary, and the same action can be experienced by one person as betrayal but leave another completely unaffected. That being said, here are some common areas where betrayal in a committed relationship can happen and be experienced as trauma:

Having sex outside of the committed relationship
Emotional manipulation and/or “guilting”
Viewing pornography
Chronic masturbation
Physical attacks
Checking out other people on a regular basis
Staying in contact with exes
Emotional withdrawal and/or not sharing emotions
Constantly complaining to you about who you are, how you look, what you do, etc.
Making you “jump through hoops” to be loved (conditional love)
Giving you the “silent treatment”
Withholding emotional support from you
Silent disapproval
Online flirting
Habitually focusing only on their feelings, wants, and needs (self-centeredness)
Getting jealous and “punishing” you for it
Continually telling “white lies”
Disrespecting and/or criticizing you in front of other people
Emotional affairs and/or constantly turning to others for emotional support
Prioritizing work, hobbies, or other friendships over the relationship
Telling your secrets to other people
Shaming you around your spending, lying about financial issues, withholding important financial information, or generally controlling the money
Keeping secrets, including hiding outside friendships from you and/or not ending friendships after you’ve requested that they do