Menu
Guys are scared of counseling. Why? Because of the dark, smelly, scary closet.
Aren’t you a guy? Why are you scared of counseling? You’re not supposed to be scared of anything. Of course, that’s a lie, a myth, whatever you want to call it. As humans, we men are scared of many things as women are, if not more. But society says that we should pretend that we’re not.
Of all scary things, the counseling office is often at the top of the list for men. But for me, I was in so much pain from past trauma and broken relationships that I was undeterred.
I made the phone call, set up an appointment, and even got there on time. This was amazing, because I was always a little late to pretty much anything and everything in my life. My mom often says that I was born two weeks late and never caught up.
Right after I sat down, I told the male counselor that I didn’t know the first thing about how this “counseling thing” works.
“I understand,” he said. “Let me see how I can best explain it. Each of us has a closet in our lives. Inside that closet is all our unresolved pain: hurt and traumas of all kinds, losses, failures, labels, lies, disappointments. Most of us have some scary and smelly skeletons in that closet.”
I nodded my head.
He went on. “My job is to give you the encouragement and the tools to crack open the door to that dark, smelly, scary closet just a little bit. Together, we’ll reach in and pull out just one of those scary things.”
We’ll let some light come through it. We’ll talk about what it is, and I’ll help you work through the memories, the feelings, the beliefs and the impact it has had on your life. The goal is to reach a point where that thing is not so scary anymore.”
When we meet that goal, we’ll push that scary thing off to the side. You’ll take a well-deserved rest, take some deep breaths. Then we’ll crack open the door to that closet again. Maybe then it will seem just a little less smelly, a little less scary.”
“Then, we’ll take the next thing out of that closet and follow the same process. We’ll keep going this way until that dark, scary closet is pretty empty.”
I was blown away by this whole description of counseling and how it could help me deal with the trauma, abuse, hurt and pain and start making my life better.
I brought up my being a sexual, physical and emotional/verbal abuse survivor in counseling. I bought up my shame, failures, parental wounding and shattered self-esteem in counseling. I brought up the addictions that I used to medicate all my pain in counseling.
With his expertise and my hard work, my life and relationships have never been freer or better!
Learn how you can better understand what you are facing as a man and why counseling could help.
What are your greatest hurdles or fears as a male (or just as a person) that keep you from doing counseling?
By Matt Burton
