INTIMACY AVOIDANCE
A Common Problem in Today’s Romantic Relationships
Although the idea of intimacy avoidance may be new to you, this problem is widespread. The symptoms are easily recognizable if your coach has been trained on what to look for. Here at Becoming Well, we call intimacy avoidance infidelity through withholding because the long-term effects of living with an intimacy avoidant are often similar to those we see in betrayed partners.
The term intimacy avoidance refers to a situation in which one partner is withholding themselves in multiple ways from their partner. Intimacy avoidance often goes unnoticed by the person withholding themselves yet can have lasting and devastating effects on their loved ones. This is different from the term Intimacy Anorexia©, coined by Dr. Doug Weiss, who defines it as the active and intentional withholding emotionally, physically, sexually, and/or spiritually from a partner for the purpose of creating distance. The main difference is that the intimacy anorexic knows what they’re doing and continues their behavior, and the intimacy avoidant may be unaware or only partially aware of how they are distancing themselves from their partner. Both conditions are classified as relationship disorders, and most often show up only in the marriage or primary romantic relationship of the intimacy avoidant or intimacy anorexic. Although intimacy avoidance and intimacy anorexia® can occur without addiction being present, it is important to note that a significant percentage of sexual addicts and their partners are also intimacy avoidants or intimacy anorexics.
