INTIMACY AVOIDANCE ASSESSMENT – Becoming Well Institute

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What is…
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About
What We Offer
Shop
Resources
- Blog
- Media
- eBooks
- Why We Can Help
Reviews
What is…
Contact us

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What We Offer
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INTIMACY AVOIDANCE ASSESSMENT

This assessment can be used as a self-assessment or an assessment for your partner. If you are taking the test to see if your partner is intimacy avoidant, disregard the words “do I” in each question and answer affirmatively to the questions you feel apply to your partner’s behavior.

Do I have difficulty being empathetic?

Yes No

Do I have difficulty being empathetic?

Yes No

Do I have difficulty being empathetic?

Yes No

Do I become overloaded with the emotions of others? (If answering for your partner, this may come out as defensiveness, minimizing, or stonewalling.)

Yes No

Do I tend to feel shameful about myself? (If answering for your partner, this may show up as having a “pity party” or trying to get out of the conversation because “they already feel bad enough about themselves”.)

Yes No

Do I belittle or criticize my partner?

Yes No

Do I have difficulty fostering closeness with my partner and/or others? Does emotional closeness with my partner and/or others make me uncomfortable?

Yes No

Am I sensitive to criticism? Do I feel that others are criticizing me, even when they say they are not?

Yes No

Do I jump to conclusions about the thoughts or meaning of the actions of my partner and/or others?

Yes No

Do I shower my partner with love and attention mainly when they are angry with me and/or thinking about leaving the relationship?

Yes No

If I am a spiritual person, do I share my spirituality with my partner?

Yes No

Do I often make my partner jump through hoops in order to gain my favor, attention or love?

Yes No

Am I often defensive when my partner confronts me? (This can come out as blame-shifting, minimizing, denial of the facts, and even self-pity.)

Yes No

Do I act prideful and/or have trouble taking constructive input about my behavior from others?

Yes No

Do I often feel like a victim of my partner?

Yes No

Am I often suspicious of my partner’s motives?

Yes No

When my partner brings up something I did that hurt them, do say or do things that make them think they are imagining things?

Yes No

Do I use anger or silence to try to control or shut down uncomfortable conversations with my partner?

Yes No

Do I lie in order to avoid taking responsibility for my actions?

Yes No

Does my partner complain that I give them love only when I want something from them or want to get “out of the doghouse”?

Yes No

Has my partner or others complained that I seem emotionally disengaged? Do I have trouble understanding what I am feeling much of the time?

Yes No

If I feel strongly about something, does that make it true?

Yes No

When I’m not getting along with my partner, do I typically assume it is my partner’s fault?

Yes No

Does my partner frequently complain that I am selfish?

Yes No

If someone acts in a way I don’t like, do I label them? Do I label myself when I act in a way I don’t like? (An example of this is calling yourself or someone else a “loser” for making a mistake or acting in a way that they/you shouldn’t have.)

Yes No

Do I tend to focus on the faults of others?

Yes No

Do I view others as easily replaceable? Do people lose value to me when they don’t do what I want them to do?

Yes No

Does my partner complain that I frequently act disgruntled, angry or irritated? When asked to own up to my behavior, do I frequently respond with anger, blame or pouting?

Yes No

Has my partner complained that I seem emotionally distant during or after sex? Do I frequently avoid having sex with my partner?

Yes No

Do I look for sexual gratification outside of my primary romantic relationship by having affairs, masturbating, and/or using pornography?

Yes No

Do I avoid conflict? Do I blame-shift, go into denial, or refuse to listen to my partner during conflict?

Yes No

Do I tend to see things in terms of black and white without shades of gray?

Yes No

Do I have trouble seeing someone else’s perspective and, instead, need to be right?

Yes No

Am I easily offended and/or feel that I’m being personally attacked when my partner needs to discuss difficult issues in the relationship?

Yes No

Do I tend to see my own faults as insignificant but my partner’s faults as significant?

Yes No

Does my partner complain that I am often too busy with work, hobbies, or volunteering to spend time with them?

Yes No

Does my partner complain that I often play the victim when confronted?

Yes No

Do I tend to see myself as a “hero” with very few faults when I do well and a “zero” with nothing but faults when I make a mistake?

Yes No

Do I tend to reject my partner’s input on matters?

Yes No

Do I tend to rehearse my partner’s negative traits in my head? (If you are answering this for your partner, you may feel they are silently criticizing you or frequently disgruntled with you, even if they won’t admit it.)

Yes No

Does your partner complain that they feel disconnected from you and/or alone in the relationship?

Yes No

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What is....

Betrayal Trauma
Emotional Infidelity
Intimacy Avoidance
Physical Infidelity
Pornography/Sexual Addiction
Male Trauma

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