Do you enjoy conflict? Most men will probably say, “No way, Matt! What are you talking about?”

Conflict is never fun, but it’s something everyone has to work through at some point. This is common in relationships. You might be in a conflict at home with your spouse, for example. This situation can feel like a trap, like there’s no way out without anybody getting hurt.

But I’ve learned a tool that I’d like to share with you. As it turns out, you actually do have a choice during conflict. You can either be a re-wounding agent or a healing agent.

What does that mean? If you’re being a re-wounding agent, it’ll look destructive and hurtful. You’ll feel stalled, as if you haven’t made any progress in seeing eye-to-eye. If you’re a healing agent, you’ll get your point across in a way that’s constructive to the relationship. This means you’re doing what’s helpful for resolving the conflict.

This is easier said than done. When you’re re-wounding, it feels like you’re doing what you need to to get your point across. You worry that you won’t be heard otherwise.

But being loud and destructive isn’t the same as being effective. We can still make a point while being constructive. In fact, your partner will probably be more willing to listen when you’re respectful. They can process your ideas without feeling the need to be on the defense.

Healing is more work than wounding, but you and your relationships are more than worth it. 

Stay on top of conflict and the trauma it causes with Becoming Well’s workshops and consultation services.