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We like to think of memory as a camera, capturing snapshots perfectly from our lives. And we assume that if something big happens, we’ll remember it – like replaying a video tape.
But just because you can’t remember, doesn’t mean something didn’t happen. Sometimes we cut traumatic experiences from our memory as a way of coping. It’s too painful to return to.
For a long time, I only remembered my childhood as long blank periods. I knew something bad had happened. But it had been erased from my mind, like that film tape of memory wiped clean. Still, I felt those memories’ negative impacts in my life.
How did I start to remember? A counselor of mine introduced an exercise called “pictures on the wall.” This is related to what some psychologists call “flashbulb memories” – those visual snapshots your brain takes in times of distress.
He encouraged me to move through the pictures in my head, going back in time. I eventually made my way to childhood, but some memories were still blacked out.
That was okay. I wasn’t ready to remember some things yet, but soon they came to me. When I was ready to process them, I did.
I challenge you to walk through your gallery. Start with an image in your mind and take the time to process it. This is probably difficult, so it’s okay to have a counselor to walk you through this – yes, even if you’re a guy! Recognize your strength and value in those moments. You made it through that, and it’s in no way your fault.
Through doing “pictures on the wall,” I recovered specific childhood memories from a complete blank. I ended up with 15 pages of remembered material that was so specific, I had to write it down. I realized that these blank spaces came from the time I experienced sexual abuse as a kid.
Start the journey to feeling, living and loving much better with Becoming Well’s individual and couple-based recovery coaching services.
What parts of your life do you have trouble remembering, and what was happening during that time?
By Matt Burton
