What Happens When We Experience Trauma from Our Partner’s Infidelity?

August 4, 2022

A place to start is understanding your attachment style.

Several recent studies have shown a correlation between emotional trauma and brain injury. Emotional trauma and PTSD have been shown to cause impairment and even damage to the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. The amygdala plays a role in detecting threats as well as activating the appropriate fear-related responses. It also plays a role in attaching emotional significance to memories. Damage or impairment of the amygdala can cause problems such as poor decision-making, emotional dysregulation, and memory problems. The main functions of the hippocampus involve learning, memory encoding, memory navigation, and spatial navigation. Studies have shown that trauma and high levels of stress can reduce the volume of the hippocampus, resulting in deficits in both visual and verbal memory. The prefrontal cortex contributes to a variety of executive functions including focus and attention, impulse control, decision-making, and managing emotional reactions. Traumatic stress can diminish functionality of the prefrontal cortex, making it difficult to make good decisions, regulate emotions, or solve problems.

Also playing an important role here is the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS has two main systems – the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The sympathetic nervous system is associated with the fight/flight/freeze response to threat and the parasympathetic nervous system helps it calm down. These two systems are meant to work in conjunction with one another so that balance can be achieved in the body. Trauma interferes with the balance between these two systems.

The good news is that you can play an active role in healing the brain after traumatic experiences. Medications, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) have all been shown to be helpful in treating PTSD and trauma-related issues. Another therapy that can be helpful is Somatic Experiencing.

There are things we can do in our everyday lives to help engage the parasympathetic nervous system and calm down the sympathetic nervous system. If you Google “Somatic Exercises”, you will come across a host of simple exercises that can, when practiced regularly, help you return to a more relaxed mental state. The best way to practice Somatic Experiencing exercises is to do them throughout the day, every day. Here are some links to Somatic Exercises you can try: Intro I Arizona Trauma Institute I Somatic Exercises – YouTube Somatic Exercises – Somatic Mirroring I Arizona Trauma Institute – YouTube

Another great practice, especially for intrusive thoughts, is mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness can help you reduce anxiety and decrease rumination. Mindfulness is being aware of one’s experience in the moment without judging that experience. A great definition of mindfulness comes from psychologist Scott Bishop, Ph.D.:

“Mindfulness is a non elaborative, nonjudgmental, present-centered awareness in which each thought, feeling, sensation that arises … is acknowledged and accepted as it is.”

For wounded partners who are struggling with resuming sexual intimacy with their mate, mindfulness can be particularly useful. Due to the fact that we experience our partner’s infidelity (particularly sexual infidelity) as trauma, intrusive thoughts often come into our mind when we are trying to engage in sex. Concentrating on our current experience can keep us in the present and help us manage intrusive thoughts. For example, concentrating on the feel of our partner’s kiss, arms around our waist, etc. can give us something to focus on, making it less likely that unwanted thoughts will take over.

Do you need help navigating the journey to recovery after infidelity?

Let’s get talking. Contact us now to schedule a Rebuilding Trust workshop.